Once Upon a Time...

                                                                  My sweet son age 13!

Once upon a time I could trust him. What happened to his love for his precious son? My son took the day off school today to go be with his father, and here it is 1:00 pm and he is still a no-show! The ex was in the hospital and hasn't seen our boy for 4 weeks now. I am officially pissed! I married this person when I was just barely 18. I had no idea he would be bipolar or that I would become a mom just 11 months later. When we were young everything seemed so perfect. He showered that boy with love! He played with him, took him places, gave him little presents. Then came the illness. If only I had been smart (I would tell myself) I would have gone to college instead; known that something was wrong with his personality. We divorced when my baby was almost three. He still continued to see him, but I could see the mood changes more prevalent now. The ex remarried (as did I) and he still seemed to be a good father. Then "it" happened about 2 years ago. His wife left him, and the downward spiral gripped him. He would disappear for days at a time, come back, apologize, cry, beg. I can't let this go on much longer, what can I do? My son is 13 now and this is just so unfair! I wish things were different, but I can't trust him and he won't stay on his meds...

Finding a job

8 days in-- nothing yet! Maybe I have been out of the loop for too long, ha! Anyway, my brother who just moved here from Oklahoma brought his girlfriend with him. She's a fun person whom I really enjoy. She found a job just like that. One person called and said she was over qualified-- must be nice... Me on the other hand having no real qualifications may take a little longer! I have not done a thing all summer and fall except the usual mommy duties cooking, cleaning, chauffeur, and coaching my daughter's cheer team. I am hoping one of the childcare positions I applied for calls today! That would be the ideal. I am really happy to have such a wonderful family. I thank God for them everyday. I know he will take care of me, but I can't help getting a little anxious with Christmas around the corner and four kids to feed. I love all the creative blogs I have seen on here. You guys are great!

Going Back To Work

Ok, so I stepped away from the blogging for a while. The truth is I have been looking for a job. Yes, me-- a real leave the house, put on something other than your jammies job! I put in for a few things, so now I am waiting to hear back. How long do these things take I wonder? I wish the economy were not so poor so I wouldn't have to do this. I enjoy being "happy mom". When I work my evil twin appears biting the heads off of unsuspecting husbands, children, and friends everywhere! Maybe I should return to antidepressants before this endeavor, but somehow I hope to make it through. I have decided to try childcare again as this is my true and most favorite kind of job. There is something about taking care of little ones that help me keep my cool. If only it were lucrative to stay at home. Wish me luck!