Round two, ding!

Here I sit fat and happy in the afterglow of Thanksgiving. My son's dad was just ill and in the hospital, so at least there was an excuse for why he did not show up. My kids were happy and loud and I am a little glad round one of the vacations are over. Now just to think about Christmas gets me a little down, but, after all it's not about the gift giving anyway. I hope that these lean times teaches the kids that the true meaning of Christmas is to remember the birth of our savior Jesus. I can not think of the last time I did not hear "I want, I want!" coming from the mouths of my babies. I will continue to try and teach them right! Love to all!!

Once Upon a Time...

                                                                  My sweet son age 13!

Once upon a time I could trust him. What happened to his love for his precious son? My son took the day off school today to go be with his father, and here it is 1:00 pm and he is still a no-show! The ex was in the hospital and hasn't seen our boy for 4 weeks now. I am officially pissed! I married this person when I was just barely 18. I had no idea he would be bipolar or that I would become a mom just 11 months later. When we were young everything seemed so perfect. He showered that boy with love! He played with him, took him places, gave him little presents. Then came the illness. If only I had been smart (I would tell myself) I would have gone to college instead; known that something was wrong with his personality. We divorced when my baby was almost three. He still continued to see him, but I could see the mood changes more prevalent now. The ex remarried (as did I) and he still seemed to be a good father. Then "it" happened about 2 years ago. His wife left him, and the downward spiral gripped him. He would disappear for days at a time, come back, apologize, cry, beg. I can't let this go on much longer, what can I do? My son is 13 now and this is just so unfair! I wish things were different, but I can't trust him and he won't stay on his meds...

Finding a job

8 days in-- nothing yet! Maybe I have been out of the loop for too long, ha! Anyway, my brother who just moved here from Oklahoma brought his girlfriend with him. She's a fun person whom I really enjoy. She found a job just like that. One person called and said she was over qualified-- must be nice... Me on the other hand having no real qualifications may take a little longer! I have not done a thing all summer and fall except the usual mommy duties cooking, cleaning, chauffeur, and coaching my daughter's cheer team. I am hoping one of the childcare positions I applied for calls today! That would be the ideal. I am really happy to have such a wonderful family. I thank God for them everyday. I know he will take care of me, but I can't help getting a little anxious with Christmas around the corner and four kids to feed. I love all the creative blogs I have seen on here. You guys are great!

Going Back To Work

Ok, so I stepped away from the blogging for a while. The truth is I have been looking for a job. Yes, me-- a real leave the house, put on something other than your jammies job! I put in for a few things, so now I am waiting to hear back. How long do these things take I wonder? I wish the economy were not so poor so I wouldn't have to do this. I enjoy being "happy mom". When I work my evil twin appears biting the heads off of unsuspecting husbands, children, and friends everywhere! Maybe I should return to antidepressants before this endeavor, but somehow I hope to make it through. I have decided to try childcare again as this is my true and most favorite kind of job. There is something about taking care of little ones that help me keep my cool. If only it were lucrative to stay at home. Wish me luck!

Halloween Costumes for School

"Baby girl" as we lovingly call her is home sick today! She's had tummy bug and another little problem going on. The problem I have is not her being ill, it's that she picked out this adorable scarecrow girl costume for Halloween and now she says they have to dress up as a storybook character at school on Friday. Do any of you have the same problem? I feel like we always find these things out at the last minute. So- any ideas for a quick costume that can be made with very little effort at home? Halloween is my favorite time of year, but the schools methods of communication have got me down! She thought just now she might like to be Cindy Lou Who,so maybe that will work. She has a head start with her blond hair! Wish me luck!!

Dieting

How can I stay on track? I got the goals down for my diet, but the motivation? How do I come by that? Eating well is not my number one problem. It's portion control, and exercising that's got me down. So, new goal: Listen to music while I go walking! Maybe this should help?? Anyone with any other strategies? Since we moved to a new area, I don't know anyone to walk with except for my hubby who won't go or make me accountable at times! Help! After my step daughter's birthday cake is gone, I will swear off the sweets as well... Here we go again. BTW the fidgeting helps I think!

glitter-graphics.com
Can I trick myself into believing this?

I love my kids!

From the top-- my 14 year old stepdaughter Chelsey, my 12 year old stepson Mason, my 13 year old son Cain and my 9 year old Emily on an outing to Enchanted Rock. I love that place!! If you are ever in central Texas you have to go!!

Guilty Party

Have you ever felt guilt so bad, it ruins any chance you ever had at a happy, fun-loving life? Felt like Amir jan in "The Kite Runner"? The fault is not really yours, but you take it on anyway? Have you let hurt anger you inside so much that you want to lash out at others, make them feel your pain? Never enjoying the loved ones you have in front of you because you can't allow yourself the chance to really get close to them? Please don't let anger fill you in every inch until you have no room for love. Learn to let go and forgive,  just for yourself. Let His love shine into you... Praise God for this day!

Money (or lack thereof) is the root of all evil...

It's that five letter word that is worse than any four letter word I have ever heard! MONEY. It seems to determine our worth in this world. Money means status right? Jealousy is another problem stemming from money. In my family right now there are some issues going on that seem to root in money. The fact that they all live in close proximity and work together, except for me, adds to their dilemma. Who is not paying rent to mom and dad? Who is paying too much for their house to be built? Who is getting more money from daddy? Who can't find enough jobs to make more money? UGGH! When does it end? I think it should be about the good times we share, and if we are not starving then what's the problem? Who can add one minute to his life by worrying? We need to remember that LOVE- not money- is why we are here. If you are putting money first, you are worshiping the Golden Calf. People who lust after money are inherently selfish! Try to remember, God is love. And may God bless us all!

I won't pack on the pounds!

"Life is a journey, not a destination... ". I keep telling myself, "I won't pack on the pounds this winter!" How do I plan to achieve this, when every "diet" and every plan have failed? The Ten Commandments of Dieting, that's how!

1. I will promise to practice better portion control.
2. I will walk for 30 minutes every night so fast that I can't hold a conversation with my walking partner.
3. I plan to fidget-cize as I call it most of the day. (You know tap your foot, wiggle your fingers, etc.)
4. I will chew gum when I am hungry between meals.
5. I will not deny myself a food, I just won't eat as much of it.
6. I will drink more water!
7. I won't be lazy when parking at the store. I will park further away so that I can walk more.
8. I will make a food diary like the one I started on Self.com.
9. I will use weights to build muscle, which burns the fat faster.
10. I will believe in myself, not belittle myself, make excuses, or give up when I make one tiny mistake.
    

I think I can succeed! Can You?? Willpower baby! 

Starting weight on October 10th 2008: 141 lbs ( I am 5'1")

JamieLan 

An atrocity of life, and a love

Here I am. I've come to a point in life where I need to find an outlet for all my thoughts, and here you are Blogspot! So to start from the point where we must begin, I give you my date of birth. March 20, 1976 in Omaha, NE. I, of course do not remember living there, as I was an infant when we left. Then in my unyielding life as a two year old, my brother was born. Soon, I found the term "it's not fair" to be my friend. Since then, little has changed to make me feel that life is fair, and I have been told many times that this is the simple truth: Life is not fair. So how do we deal with this mere fact? We learn to bend, hope not to break, and try to find kindness and love in the world. As The Beatles song tells us "it's easy, all you need is love". An easy attraction, heartfelt and true... BTW, I love Music!

--JamieLan